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The Unluckiest Guy I Ever Met The Mattress Incident Burglarizing His Own Apartment Art Gets Even The Marijuana That Wasn't His And then the lawyer

The Unluckiest Guy I Ever Met

by Clifford A. Schaffer

This is a true story. The facts have not been embellished. In fact, I left a lot of stuff out.

Burglarizing His Own Apartment

Times were undeniably tough for Art, and the exhaustion of having to deal with the cops on an almost daily basis didn't help matters. A couple of times he did manage to get jobs, only to be let go when it became obvious to his employers that Art was a center of attention for the police.

But he managed to get by for quite a while doing odd jobs here and there, eating next to nothing, and wearing the same old threadbare clothes. Then one day the rent was due and his landlord came to the door. Art explained that he was about to go a job interview and then would pick up the rent money from his parents and, if the landlord would kindly wait a little bit, Art would surely have the money for him. It was a partial story - his parents didn't have the money, either, but he did have a job interview - but Art was just trying to buy a little time to keep his life together. The landlord seemed to accept the story and Art thought everything was fine.

Art started to get cleaned up for his job interview and, after taking a shower, put on his pants and went down to the mailbox to check the mail. By the time he got back, there was a padlock on the door. He pleaded with the landlord but the landlord also knew by now that Art was of special interest to the cops, so the landlord had no incentive to give Art even the tiniest break. Art went out and sat in the middle of a field, with nothing on but his pants, to think.

By and by it got dark and Art figured he would sneak back in to get the rest of his possessions which amounted to a belt, a couple of shirts, an old pair of shoes, three or four pieces of raggedy underwear, and the mattress, which he decided not to try to deal with again, because it had become extremely moldy from the earlier soaking in the rain. Getting in to his place was easy. He just popped in through a side window. He was inside no more than two or three minutes.

When he popped his head out the window a deputy sheriff's flashlight shone squarely in his face. The landlord had alerted them hours before and they were waiting for him. Due to his previous criminal record, he wound up doing about another six months on that one.

Art Gets Even

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